Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.