It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Children make your life important.
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.
God created man, but I could do better.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.’
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.