It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It’s only necessary to be rich.
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
One of the most important things to remember about infant care is: don’t change diapers in midstream.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
It’s funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it’s fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to laugh.
It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.