Funny New Year’s Quotes to Kick off 2015

funny new years quoteThe end of the year is a funny time. You’re just getting over the craziness of the holidays, recuperating from the stress of buying the perfect presents, seeing every last possible relative, and cooking and eating tons and tons of food.

On top of that, media outlets are abuzz with every type of yearly recap you can imagine. Need to know about the best sports plays of 2014 or the worst fashion moments? There are dozens of lists for that.

Plus, you have the pressure of planning the perfect celebration on New Year’s Eve to ring in the next year.

Even weirder, people get revved up about creating New Year’s resolutions to dramatically enhance their lives – only to drop them a few weeks later.

So in honor of all the absurdity of New Year’s, enjoy these hilarious quotes that make light of the situation:

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
Bill Vaughan

“New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.”
Mark Twain

“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”
James Agate

“I know. I’m lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have ’til December, right?”
Catherine O’Hara

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”
Eric Zorn

“My New Year’s Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.”
Nia Vardalos

“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average…which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.”
Jay Leno

“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”
P. J. O’Rourke

“Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.”
Judith Crist

“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
Oscar Wilde

“I always like New Year’s because it’s so bizarre to me that we’re dunk, we’re counting backwards… Like, when did this tradition start? DId they heave it back in ancient times, like in Ancient Rome di they have to go, ‘X! I-X! V-I-I-I! V-I-I-I I’m out…'”
Ted Alexandro

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